Now there’s a good question?!
‘Can you care too much?’
I actually think the answer is: Yes!
From this moment 08:30, Wednesday 17th July, I dedicate that as of now I couldn’t care less!!!
I am at my wits end & no matter how hard I try, I can do no more. I very much love my children & husband but I just can’t be perfect in any of their eyes.
Each & every morning is a battle zone, I have tried the nicely, nicely approach, I’ve tried choices vs consequences, I’ve shouted, I’ve screamed (after all I’m only human & I too get very frustrated like they do) but I get absolutely nowhere.
I’m not respected, I’m not listened to & apart from the bits my husband does to help, the children do nothing… Help, please?!
I’ve actually been very productive myself, the bed is made, a load of washing is done, I took my meds, I weighed my breakfast cereal (it’s still sat in a bowl waiting for milk next to my empty cup that is awaiting coffee), I got dirty washing from sons room, I packed all lunches, I made all drinks, I got girls cereal ready, the husband left for work, the son eventually left for secondary school… But the stress didn’t stop.
Now as you may know our son has ‘issues’ he is high-functioning autistic, dyspraxic, has oppositional defiance disorder (ODD), amongst other minor things such as hayfever, asthma & nighttime enuresis. He currently has bruised ribs thanks to some bully that went behind him on Monday break & shoved him into the bike railings, winding him & nobody helped – he was sent home from the pain he was in.
I’ve doubts that my middle child is neuro-typical, but it was such a journey to get my sons diagnoses I just have no strength to go through it all again… Plus what actual extra help do we get as he is high-functioning??? It sucks!
This morning I’ve hit an almighty brick wall, I try, I try, I try, I try, but it is NEVER enough EVER!
We live extremely close to the girls school, in fact it is minutes from the front door, but it is a strain on school mornings to get these children organised now. It seams the older they get, the harder they become – how is that logical? I figured things would be easier as they got older!
I’ve done 3 parenting courses over the years, I’ve also done 2 or 3 different short courses on autism/aspergers (aspergers is like high-functioning autism, but they tend not to use that term so much now) but I can’t get inside my children’s heads. Whoever says being a parent is easy lies!!!
After our son left for school 08:05 I wanted to brush the girls hair so they could eat their breakfasts. How hard a task is this? Impossible in this house it seams, I may even take drastic measures in the summer holidays & get their hair cut into short bob styles as I just can’t deal with the constant battles.
Hermione (middle child) is almost 10, yet she can’t do her own hair yet. The baby Anneliese (is not actually a baby, she’s 6) obviously still requires some help but hates it cause her hair tangles easy… This is why I like to do it early, before breakfast.
In the end after whinging, moaning, arguing, screeching at me I said enough was enough & they could fend for themselves. I am disgusted with their behaviour & more I am ashamed that I said something awful to my children that have quite frankly pushed me over the edge this morning.
I’m blogging this before I go to town to get more fruit, squash, milk, snacks etc for the next few days breakfast & packed lunches. Also it is calming me down from going to a cigarette kiosk & undoing over 9 months of not smoking!!!
I’m sure I’ll be looked on as bad for blogging this, but I believe in freedom of speech, I don’t hide away from my errors & I certainly don’t paint a false rosey picture of life… I tell it as it is & if people don’t like it then tough, I am me, life is like roses – it is bloody thorny!
Most parents are looking forward to the 6 weeks of bliss family time called the summer holidays… I’m actually dreading it, in a week’s time will be the first full day off & I just can’t wait (who am I kidding? It’s just I can’t wait to escape the awful morning battles).
I’ve my neurologist appointment at the hospital on the 31st, which I will have to take all 3 children to (or reschedule, which is sounding the nicer option by the day), I have to take all 3 children to the dentist on August 1st on my own… Oh Joy!
No money for a summer holiday or even a short break away, still no family car on the road & I need safe Sun protection as normal brands react with my skin, we don’t have a Body Shop in this town so I need to look online.
I did give in & brush the girls hair after they’d eaten breakfast, Hermione had tried badly & they looked like they’d slept in it worse than when they’d woken up! Lol… But Hermione walked Anneliese to school as I refused to go anywhere with them.
On with the chores, it’s now 09:45 I need to put a second load of washing in machine, peg out the first load & head to town to get these supplies.
I think my breakfast & coffee will be ready for my lunch at this rate now…